This month marks the 12-year anniversary of being with my partner—and here's something few people know: I proposed to him.
As a woman, there isn't a playbook for how to do that. I remember being nervous, not because I doubted us, but because I had no examples for what it should look like. There was no script to follow, no Pinterest-perfect moment to replicate. It was just me, a shaky voice, and my best guess at how to express something that songwriters spend their lifetimes trying to capture. And in that moment of uncertainty, I realized that’s where my authenticity begins.
Our love story wasn’t one I was taught to expect, but it became an early act of self-trust. Our proposal taught me something I’ve carried forward with me since:
I don’t have to wait for someone else to choose me.
I get to choose myself and the life I want.
(If you’re curious how the actual proposal went, I wrote about it on my blog, including a guide with questions to consider if you’re thinking of proposing, regardless of your gender.)
While the proposal was hard, what came after was even harder: learning how to build a life together without a map.
Because even though we’ve been together for 12 years, we don't have formal milestones that most couples lean on: no official “will you be my girlfriend?”, no “would you move in with me?”, no wedding ceremony, and no kids.
Every chapter of our relationship was built quietly, day by day. I learned that “being loved” can’t always be measured by titles, ceremonies, or checkboxes. I had to decide for myself: Does this still feel right? Do I still choose to be here?
Over time, I realized that those answers rarely arrive in grand gestures. For us, they showed up in the small, ordinary moments that pepper our days. The ones that don’t make it to Instagram. The ones that happen in messy kitchens, late-night arguments, or during long silences when you’re too tired or too hurt to say another word.
Across the years, there were seasons when my partner and I felt like we were made for each other. Then, there were seasons when I doubted myself and wondered why we were together.
I’d ask myself, Am I asking for too much? Am I just a roommate? Am I too different now? Those questions didn’t disappear overnight, but facing them authentically taught me how to stay honest, not just with him, but with myself.
Looking back now, I can see that the real magic isn’t in getting it “right.” It’s in the relationship itself and who we become, both independently and together—and how we keep showing up as our most authentic selves along the way.
Our commitment didn’t grow from promises or certainty but from choosing to stay open, even when it was hard. Twelve years later, we’re still learning that love isn’t a finish line but an everyday choice rooted in authenticity.
I share this to remind you: we all grow into the “right” life by living it.
If you’re sitting with a decision that doesn’t look like what others expect, but it feels true in your bones, I want you to know that it's worth walking a path that’s truly yours. That’s exactly where your authenticity begins.
And you can find the courage to do just that in my 1:1 authenticity coaching.
So you quiet the overthinking about where you are in life and trust your timing again.
So you can stop measuring love (or success) by other people’s milestones and start knowing what feels authentic to you.
So you can feel at home in your choices, even when they don’t look like anyone else’s.
In our coaching, we untangle your self-doubt and make room for your instincts, so you can build a life that fits who you are now (not who you were told to be).
I’d love to help you explore what that could look like for you - let’s talk!
With care,
Betty
